Update

Well i haven't been writing for a loooong time now, guess it isn't as fun when I'm not in Sydney reporting back to the family. Still feel like I have to update this site even though I am here in the cold northern country.
I am still looking for a job like a little freak! Went to test work at a bar but it seems like they weren't serious at all. Just short on staff or something like that during that specific night.. Grrrrrrrrrrr...
I am even looking for jobs in Australia. Guess I have to sort the ticket somehow if I land a job over there before I land a job over here. Time is just passing by soooo quickly, and all of a sudden the summer will be over and I will be a bit angry if I'm not on my way back.
Some people know the bad thing happening to me since my last report here, but it is not something I want to talk about just yet.
Been out meeting many new people which is great fun! I love socialising and getting to know new and fun personalities.
Feeling a bit tired and drained out today, but it will surely pass.
Off to have dinner with my X and his "fake" dad tonight. Will be nice. Chatting and having a nice glass of whine.
Take care people and remember that everything will be fine. It just takes different amount of time from person to person to heal the same damage..

Some photos

Me and my aunt on my birthday, soooo rainy... A "kladdkaka" I made, Claaaaaare want a bite? ;)


My brother on his graduation day. . Me and Lisa on my birthday party

The now half famous Häraff :)

With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one? But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.

I just had a conversation that made me cry.. Once again.. Why can´t the people you really like a lot be happy? Guess there are some people that have been asking themselves the exact same question when I have been wanting to give up and just lay on the floor staring in to a wall or a ceiling..

So... Why do we keep doing the things we actually feel bad about doing? Especially if we know what we want? Are we just lazy, narcissistic, afraid? Especially when it comes to love. What the hell do you do when you finally dare to tell someone how you feel and that person doesn't feel the same thing?

I've started to doubt myself, which is one of the most stupid things to do ever. Why do I really want to go back to Sydney, is it because I WAS happier there or is it because I THOUGHT that I was happier? Did I want to believe it so much so that it actually became true?

Can you actually trust someone completely, ever? Think about it, someone helped you when everything was falling to pieces. Someone was thinking about you before they thought of themselves. Someone made you feel good about yourself even though you felt like shit. Someone made you happy and made you forget about your problems, if only for a while. Someone made you feel butterflies in your stomace...Can you believe that person then, that their intentions are true? If that person explains things with the same words as you do, then yeah, I think so. God I'm not making any sense am I??? Guess that's because I just now found out something that I really didn't think that I actually did feel.. I shouldn't doubt my feelings and intentions... I should go for it and try... Even if I get rejected and meet loads of problems. At least then I don´t have to wonder what would have happened if I had the guts to do it....

I'm going back to Sydney, even if I have to sell one of my kidneys.. Cause even if I really just believe that I am happy over there, I'm happy. I will never be alone like many can think, cause there are a bunch of wonderful people over there that actually cares about me, show up when they say they will, pick me up when I am down, tell me the truth without sugar coating it, help me with meaningless problems, listen to my meaningless thoughts, laugh with me and cry with me... Hope you know whom you are, otherwise I have to tell you more often how happy I am that I met you guys :) The truth is a powerful thing and lying never works in the long run..

I have to believe my dead grandmother.. Everything will be all right...

*Sigh*

It´s always darkest before the dawn... I still believe in that and I hope that I can find some peace after all of this crap is over. I am pretty sure that I can actually be happy in Australia since people are more like me. And I don´t have to be cold, lonely or bored. The sun will keep me warm and the amount of people living there will always keep me busy so I don´t have time to think about annoying, stupid stuff.
Sure, you sometime wish that your life was a perfect fairytale. But if everything was perfect we would not appreciate it as much. Still wish my prince charming would realise whom he is and just get over here and sweep me off my feet. I am more then ready ;)
Oh well, in the meantime I am trying to figure out what to do about the job situation. I´m doing my best, really..... And during the time that I am still unemployed I´m painting, writing lyrics, go for a jog etc etc.
Hopefully I will be happy enough to endure the time I am here in Sweden...
Well it is my birthday tomorrow and my birthday party on Saturday, so hopefully that will cheer me up :D

That's all from me folks, for now anyways ;)

Home again..

Since you all know that I didn't want to go home I don´t have to say that again huh? ;D
But I have to say it was nice to see everyone again. But the thing is, when I did see everyone again it felt like I havn't even been gone.. It is soooo wierd! I thought I would feel different about it but not really. Nothing has changed and everything is the same way as I left it.
God I don´t know, I am still so confused and it feels like the trip to Sydney only was a dream, kind of...
Confused...
And all I know now is that I have to get back, as soon as possible. Going to find a job and work my ass off so that I can go back in August or September. Get my 2 year Visa and just stay there as long as I can..
I miss my Aussie friends already, all of them! their lovley personality and friendly manners. Me miss you long time :)

Soooo all I need to do now is to work my ass off, simple huh? hahaha, then maybe I can get back to the most wonderful time of my life again.

I still have some photos from my skydive to upload here and some videos, but I will do that as soon as I feel normal again from the jetlag :D

Talking about jetlag, I think I did good staying awake. Fell asleep at 11 o´clock yesterday and slept until 10 this morning, pretty good eeeeyyyyy. And I was only sleeping for like 3 hours on the plane from munich cause I tried to flip the aussie time to the swedish one right away. Crap I was tired when I finally fell asleep yesterday :D

Today I went to register at the unemployment ermmmm thingy.. hahah. and I also bought a pair of jeans so I wont freeze my ass of in this cold country.. god I am tired...

btw! I hope my Oz friends plan to take a trip to sweden around the 4:th of June since my birthday is at that date ;D

See you soon guys!